Diary of a Fat Man: Big Brother

It Seems That CBS Feels The Same Way!

Tue, 28 Aug 2007 04:05:04 GMT

This is fucking great:

Sweet Vindication

Fri, 17 Aug 2007 15:19:09 GMT

Best night on TV this year! Not only did Dustin swish his way out of the house, Danielle gets HoH! Jamiroquai and the Beast are toast next week. Last night on the live feed, those two wastes of blood cells were talking (with NO IRONY) about a "vision" that the Beast had where she was getting a medallion placed over her head and Dick was angry. They were debating when it was going to happen. She thought it was going to be last week (or whenever the 7th week was) but she kept also talking about 27 becase it was "her" number.

Ok, whore. I understand that maybe the fumes from the Nair you use on your eyebrows (or possible the rail after rail of the bathroom meth that you used to snort) may affect your cognitive abilities. But even a slutty dullard such as yourself should realize that YOU ARE NOT PSYCHIC. GOD IS NOT SENDING DOWN SPECIAL MESSAGES TO YOU AND YOUR MORON COHORT. JESUS ISN'T SITTING AROUND HIS TIVO ENTHRALLED WITH YOU AND JAMIROQUAI'S STELLAR GAMEPLAY. HE'S NOT GOING TO TAKE THE LOAD OFF YOUR SHOULDER (NEITHER THE FIGURATIVE LOAD NOR THE LITERAL SPERMY LOADS THAT ARE THERE EVERY WEEKEND)

If God were actually watching you, you freakish skank, he would have made sure that the egg that developed into your daughter would have never attached itself to your rotten, putrid uterus (ooh, I've just coined a new term for her: Puterus [pronounced pew-ter-us]) so that she wouldn't have to endure being raised by a lying, selfish, crybaby like yourself. She has no chance in life with you as her mother. Maybe she'll be lucky and you'll be strangled when you get back to Vegas and turn your next trick.

Eric is clearly gay since he has no interest in Jizzica. Jizzica is clearly either a) very diplomatic; b) very blind when she responded that she could be open to pursuing something with Ratzo Twitcho outside of the house.

Danielle needs to quit eating so much. She's starting to look fat.

That vote was a total fucking coup! I'm so happy.

On a side note, Laurie's mom hates Dick and Danielle and said she won't watch the show anymore. She was talking to Leon (Laurie's Dad) and her grandma, and was trying to segue into talking about Big Brother and just blurted out "Laurie loves Dick".

On another exciting front, the finale for So You Think You Can Dance was last night. I figured Sabra would win. She's an amazing dancer and just seems so perky and nice. It's weird that there really wasn't anyone in the top 8 or so that I didn't like.

I had tickets on hold at Ticketmaster for the show, but I just can't justify dropping $150 for a show that doesn't involve a donkey.

Now I have to wait until next May for it to return.

Sigh.

Jesus Help Me Pull Out That Magic Ping Pong Ball

Wed, 15 Aug 2007 15:28:21 GMT

Last night's episode of Big Brother was by far the best of the season for many reasons. The fucking best is the realization I had at the end of the show...I'll share that below, however. Unlike when I'm with my wife, I won't blow my load so early.

Evel Dick is a crazy mother fucker. But I say that with with admiration. That dude is toting a brass set, my friends. Banging pot lids in the middle of the night? Ridiculing Jameka's religion and her hipocritical nature (use the veto on Jen but not Kail)? I missed some of the show from Sunday (fucking cable box), so I don't know what was shown when he was bagging on Predator (Amber), but on the live feed he essentially called her a speed whore who is a horrible mother. You couldn't get any more drama than his POV win. I kicked my feet like a little kid who got an oversized sucker when his ball hit the post.

My second favorite part of the night is when I realized just how stupid and pliable Jizzica is. When Jen told her outside that she thinks that Dustin and Dick have a secret alliance (um, how is having BOTH of your alliance members on the block a good plan?), Laurie said "Jessica is such a bad actress" when Jessica squinched her eyes and started saying that she kind of believed it. I said that she DID believe her and was VINDICATED when she started to cry in the diary room. How fucking great is that? Last week she was ready to sell Eric under the bus (to steal those douchebag's moronic mixing of expressions) until Dustin calmed her down at the last minute. She is SO that chick that would fall for "if I fuck you in the ass, you're still a virgin". It got even better when she brought America's Douchebag into the conspiracy because he wouldn't talk to her during the "silent treatment" (how is it a silent treatment when you talk, dummy!).

God, but I would love to take a crack at that ass...and yes, I'd tell her she was still a virgin.

My favorite favorite part of the night was at the end of the episode when Dustin all cocky (you are what you eat) sits down next to Dick on the block. You want to know why? Because that jizz juggler is going home! Here's how the votes will come out:

Dick: (can't vote, on the block)

Dustin: (can't vote, on the block)

Jizzica: (can't vote, Head of Household)

Jameka: Dick

Amber: Dick

Danielle: Dustin

Zach: Dustin

Jen: Dustin

What about Eric? Won't he be the third vote for Dick and tie? Hohoho, you forget that that douchey little rat doesn't get to vote. America votes for him and America HATES Dustin! Who did they want nominated? Dustin. Who did they want the silent treatment given to? Jizzica.

Jen is too happy about being Danielle's "friend" to vote against Dick. Zach is dumbly loyal to Danielle because of Nick. They would be stupid to align themselves with the LNC because after Dick & Danielle are gone, they will be their targets. With Danielle and Dick, they will make the final four and have a better chance.

What makes this even MORE fucking sweet is that it will totally obliterate the LNC alliance when they realize that someone secretly voted for Dustin...and all eyes will squinch to Eric. And to top it off, we're due for a double-eviction week. How cool would it be if both Dustin and Eric were gone by next Sunday?

me so happy.

Backdoor

Wed, 08 Aug 2007 19:33:28 GMT

Eric is the backdoor nominee, but I think Dick & Danielle blew their wad too fast (unlike me--shut up, two minutes isn't fast, is it?) by bringing in Jizzica (Sir Cumference's name for her). Her lips are looser than Amber's labial lips must be from all that whoring she does.

Amber's sporting some fake dreads now:

Which makes her look like a new celebrity:

Dustin is starting to annoy me know.

Eric is a toad.

Zach has like zero personality...it's like he has Asperger's or something (in his case, Assburgers).

So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Goodbye

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 14:28:09 GMT

Laurie is pissed that Nick evicted last night. I feel bad for the dude...every one thought he was playing for multiple teams, but he wasn't. They'll find out aboot all of that crap once they watch the show when they get oot. With him being oot of the house, Laurie said she doesn't want to watch the live feed anymore (but she will---we seem to have traded sleep schedules, I'm oot around midnight and she's up and aboot until aboot 2am).

Huh? What's with all the "oots"? I don't know what you're talking aboot.

Last night was probably the best episode of BB for me because 1) Evel Dick is just insane in the mother fucking membrane. Dumping tea on Jen's head was fantastic (although she has grown on me over the past few weeks); 2) Nick's farewell speech to Danielle was great. Her boyfriend back home must just be going crazy (did you see him last week? What a fucking gomer). 3) Amber.

Dustin: Amber! We just got a new case of cokes in the fridge...

Amber: WAHHHHH

Kail: Amber, do you want some pizza for dinner?

Amber: WAHHHHH

Jen: I'm hot.

Amber: WAHHHH

Before the HoH competition started, Laurie said that she didn't care who won, as long as it wasn't Kail or Amber. The only thing Amber has a shot of winning is a crying or cock sucking contest. She's a total fucking cunt and I HATE her. Laurie has asked why I hate her so much and I can't really explain it. It's just a visceral reaction to her stupid fat face or maybe her disappearing eyebrows or her total lack of loyalty or integrity or her nasty permed hair. If I could reach through the TV and bash her tenhead in with a brick, I believe that I would be a very happy man.

I DO know who won the HoH (we watched some of the live feed last night), but I won't spoil it for you.

Last night was also a rough night on So You Think You Can Dance with Dominick going home. Little Leguizamo can fucking dance, yo. Cat looked so uncomfortable with him hanging on her. Eventually, he crawled up her leg and disappeared in her hoohah. Hopefully, they can find him before the tour starts. Sarah is a little hottie, but when she's in her wiggah clothes, she's got some fucked up man shoulders...how can she look so amazingly hot the night before in those slutty thigh-high boots (which would have only been ankle high on Cat) and so manly the next? And what the fuck was up with those Rerun hats and Fresh Prince clothes they subjected her and Danny (or He Who Shall Float Forever) to the night before?

And seriously, did everyone watch the same routine I did? Neil and Lacey's dance wasn't that great. I guarantee you if Mia Michaels hadn't said that the dance was about her and her dead Dad, everyone would have ripped them to shreds. That routine and Push It were clearly the two weakest.

"God Put Me On the Block So That I Would Understand How Strong I Am"

Mon, 16 Jul 2007 18:05:26 GMT

FADE IN:

INT. IMMENSE ROOM WITH WAVES OF FOG COVERING THE FLOOR. A FIGURE IN GLOWING ROBES SITS UPON AN ALABASTER THRONE. ENYA THROBS QUIETLY IN THE BACKGROUND. AN INFINITELY LONG LINE OF ANGELS CARRYING TABLET PCs SPIRAL AWAY FROM THE THRONE INTO THE DISTANCES. GOD IS LEANING TOWARDS PETER, WHO IS STANDING BESIDE HIM.

GOD

OK Pete, what's going on today.

PETER:

Well, we finally got through to the new Pope and let him know

that we're still not happy about the breach in Christianity.

God:

Good. He did make it clear that only Catholics will go to heaven,

right? Those Baptists just make my skin crawl.

Peter:

Absolutely. We're also still on target for 2nd quarter '09 for

the all latin masses as well.

God:

Sweet. Alright, let's do this.

Peter:

(shouting)

Alright people...remember that you only get 30 seconds, so make 'em count.

ANGEL ONE:

Betsy Smithers is a ten year old girl from Detroit. She's praying that her mother

stop smoking crack and stops "ho-ing" her self out to pay for the drug.

God:

Hmmm. There's been a lot of those crack requests lately. I'm getting a little tired

of all this crack nonsense. OK; here's the plan. I want the supply in Detroit, New York

and DC tainted with strychnine.

Peter:

But won't that kill a lot of drug users.

God:

Granted, it's tough love, but for every crackhead that dies, it's going to stop three others.

OK, what's next.

ANGEL TWO:

Wanda Thompson is praying that her eight year old daughter makes a quick recovery

from her chemotherapy sessions. She has an aggressive form of lymphoma.

God:

Jesus Christ.

JESUS:

Yeah, Dad?

God:

(sigh) It's an expression boy. Just shut up and go back to braiding your hair.

How many times have I told you guys. I'm sick of all these fucking cancer

kid requests. Are the wigs not enough? They not enjoying the camps that

I made Britney Spears opens? Look, I'm a dad too. I get it. But, come on!

Parents today are to namby-pamby with their kids.

Peter:

Isn't that a bit harsh, Chief?

God:

Harsh? Dude, I killed every baby in Egypt just to prove a point! I killed

literally every living creature on earth except for Noah and his freaky family

just because I was having a bad month.

The next person to bring me a me-damned cancer kid prayer is going to

wish they had the cancer.

ANGEL THREE:

My request is from, um, Amber on Big Brother. She, um, really really

wants to win.

God:

(looks around at the masses)

Now that's what I talking about. Woot! Amber's the one that burned

off her eyebrows, right?

Angel Three:

Yes sir. She's also the one that has undescended testicles.

God:

Oh yeah, I remember her...she looks like Manson, no?

Let's have a little fun, here.

Peter:

What do you mean, chief?

God:

Ok. We can't just let her win. We need to mess with people's minds

first. Hmm.

Angel Three:

What if we trick her into thinking that she's going to be evicted,

but then at the last minute make everyone vote for Carol?

God:

Brilliant. Number one: It will make her realize that she is stronger

than she thinks she is. Number two: it will lull her into a sense

of security and then we can spring our greatest surprise.

Peter:

You don't mean...

God:

Yep...we're going to bring back Jayce. That was one crazy mother fucker.

FADE TO BLACK.

Separated At Birth?

Sat, 14 Jul 2007 01:36:58 GMT

First Eviction

Fri, 13 Jul 2007 19:13:03 GMT

Stupid houseguests...they voted out the hottie!

I totally realized who Amber reminds me of...I'm keeping that secret for now. I'll try to post it this weekend. I don't know why, but I just fucking hate her.

I really don't have a good recap for you today.

I AM enjoying the show thus far, however it typically gets much better once they're below the 10 contestant mark...

Big Brother 8: JENtercourse

Wed, 11 Jul 2007 15:12:20 GMT

Week one rambles on. So far, I've haven't really jumped on anyone's bandwagon. I kinda like Carol, but that's just because I think she's the hottest chick in the house. However, every time she comes on the screen, I think "What is she? Is she black? Is she white? Is she deliciousy mulatto?" It really doesn't matter, but it distracts me to no end.

Last night was the first of Ratzo Rizzo's challenges as "America's Contestant". I have to ask again, why this fuck? If I were him, I'd be a little pissed about the fact that he has to vote the way the viewers want, because that could potentially fuck up his alliances. Anyway, his "challenge" last night was stupid. Potentially, it could have been fucking dynamite, but he sucked ass with his. Number one, he was totally fucking lame when asking Kail to go upstairs to talk. He should have just brought it up during some other type of conversation. I thought it was funny that he used Danielle as a starting point to talk about a girlfriend that had an eating disorder and dumped him, but there were so many better stories that he could have used. Here's one: He feels close to Kail because she reminds him of his mother, who was kidnapped, tortured over the course of a week, and then killed by a serial killer. Or another: That he's uncomfortable with Nick because he looks like the camp counselor that molested him as a child. THAT could have been good for some major drama.

Speaking of drama, my favorite ~~whore~~ nanny caused some when she started getting jealous that Nick was flirting with Danielle and told everyone that he tried to kiss her and that she turned him down.

She is SO that chick that would fuck you, save your semen, then later visciously abuse her vajayjay and spread your week old seed all over her and then cry rape.

People are starting to REALLY hate her. They're even getting annoyed at her t-shirts which have her name in it: "JENious", "JENsational", "JENsa Member", "JENtly Sucking Your Cock for Money", etc.

I'm still not certain if she really IS that dumb and vapid or if it's an inJENious act (see what I did there? I incorporated her puns into my entry! Hahaha...What? Oh...it's dumb. *Sniff* My bad.)

Last night was also the first Veto challenge, which I must say has been one of the better ones that I've seen over the years. Wow, they totally fucked that house up when doing that hide & seek shit. Danielle was pretty smart to hide hers in the slop pot. My plan would have been to put it at the bottom of the garbage can or in the toilet tank.

I was hoping that Carol would win, just because I want to keep seeing her around the house in those hot little cheerleader shorts, but Danielle pulled it out...of course, she didn't use it though.

Here's one beef I have with the producers of Big Brother. This Lucy with the football shit is ridiculous. Quit doing false foreshadowing of someone using the veto you know that they won't. You've been doing it for years and they NEVER fucking deliver. It's a wasted effort and just pisses me off. Have it pay off at least once in a while so that it's somewhat unpredictable.

I miss Big Brother All Stars. The past two years have just been outstanding...this year's hasn't really delivered yet.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Postscript

++++++++++++++++

How did I totally forget about that cunt, Amber. Praying to God to help her? God is watching you and is on your side? Somone needs to smack that bitch upside her Herman Munster face.

Starving African Kid: click-tick-tock-snop-pop-click-click-tick-tock-tock

(TRANSLATION: Dear God, we're very hungry. My baby brother is sick and needs medicine. Without it, he will die. Please send a doctor to us, or at least some clean water so that we can hydrate ourselves. We have to get dysentery infected water from the same watering hole that antelopes piss in. That's all we need, just some clean water. I'm a good boy and I've never asked you for anything before. Please help us, Saviour. Father Thomas talks about how loving and benevolent you are.)

GOD: Sorry, Yngwie. Amber needs me to swing the votes her way...your starving village will have to wait until she makes it to the final four.

Starving African Kid: click-tick-tick-tick-uhhhhhh

(TRANSLATION: But we're going to....child slumps over, dead.)

Big Brother 8: Week One

Mon, 09 Jul 2007 20:08:07 GMT

WTF is up with Danielle? Did Tommy Lee molest her or something? She's acts waaayyyy too weird with him for this to just be some immature dad trip. I think she'd feel better if he would show any of the crybaby shit he does in the confessional with her but I don't foresee that in the near future.

Speaking of Tommy Lee, I thought Mike Boogie was a name dropper. Christ, this dude was throwing out d-listers like he's working the rope at Hyde. Homeboy needs to grow up. He's 44 and dresses like he's 18. Grow up, fucktard. Then again, I'm 33 and the only reason I'm not wearing a Che Guevara shirt right now is because the revolution don't come in XXL, bitch.

After the meet & greet from last week, Danielle took off to cry and Jamiroquai was the first to come and "console" her. Yawn. Yep, good move. Attach yourself to one of the weakest players in the game. I'll say this for Danielle...bitch has some waterproof mascara. I've never seen anyone cry some much with no impact to their makeup.

Speaking of crybaby twats, Amber takes the cake. Boo-fucking-hoo, Riddler. She reminds me of the chollo girls I was in junior high with that would totally shave their eyebrows and then draw them back in with a pencil. "When I grab my charm, it lets my daughter know I'm thinking of her!" How sweet. What does it mean when you're juggling a pair of hairy balls back in the alley behind your bar? Payday!

Things seem to be moving along nicely in the BB house. Cliques are starting to form, including the aptly named Mrs. Robinson alliance (not sure if that was a CBS coinage or what, but it's on their website and oh so apropos). They replayed Kail's comment "I hope my child doesn't 'choose' a gay lifestyle". I don't think anyone would intentially "choose" a lifestyle that involves sticking things up your ass...except for Sir Cumference. He likes seeing how much he can stuff up the old poopshoot.

She's aligned herself with Nick, Mike, & Zach. I've decided that Mike shall from this day forward be known as Moleboy. WTF? That's the grossest shit I've ever seen. He's like a 3D connect the dots model. I swear, you will end up with Dogs Playing Poker if you connect all his nasty, hairy moles.

The food event was decent...always good to see hotties covered in some type of oil based product. Holy shit, that Jessica has some amazing tetas, totally fake, of course, but still amazing. Quick question...what kind of 21 year old girl needs fake tits? The best kind!

Joe laments that he can't be "fun Joe" in the house. What, no glory hole in the house? He still says that Dustin gave him the clap, which Dustin denies. However, he DOES admit to giving him a "roman helmet".

I'm still up in the air about this America's contestant bullshit. Unless we can get him to do some really uncomfortable shit, I think it will suck ass...maybe sucking ass should be his second assignment.

Kail nominated Carol and Amber. I pray that Amber is the one booted. ~~His~~ Her tears sicken me. He she actually said that Kail shouldn't have put her up because "she's a mother too". What a stupid, stupid whore. I can tolerate a LITTLE stupidity, but you have to be super fucking hot for that to happen. Amber isn't super hot. She's "I just drank nine pints, three shots, and did twelve lines of cheap blow so now I have a raging hard-on and it's 2:15am and I can only pick from the homeless guy in the alley or this Frankensteinian slut who's wiping up the table" kind of hot.

Laurie and I have decided that we're not watching the live feed. I did put the condition in that when people starting fucking, I'm watching the live feed.

My predictions:
Veto winner=Carol
New Nominee=Jessica
Voted Out=Amber (please, please, please).

Big Brother 8

Fri, 06 Jul 2007 21:24:54 GMT

Yippee!

Big Brother is finally drawing me out of my self-imposed blogging exile. I've also become addicted to another reality show (So You Think You Can Dance), but I haven't had a chance to blog about it. That is going to be the second of my planned posts this weekend.

OK. This will just be a quick rundown of the new contestants and my initial opinions of them.

Firstly, what's up with Julie Chen? She needs an eggroll infusion, stat. It looks like she should have changed her name to Julie Ritchie.

She was wearing a very cool looking necklace (not shown in this pic) and Laurie said it was probably a bracelet.

1 Point for Mrs. Fatman.

The first contestant on my hitlist is Amber. As you can see, she's a cocktail waitress in Vegas, which means she's not hot enough to be a feature dancer at Olympia Gardens, so she hands out mojitos and handjobs. She's also a single mom who cares about her daughter more than anything in the world. Hmm, if you loved your kid, wouldn't you be at home?

Carol looked MUCH hotter on the "Big Brother After Dark" live feed on Showtime Too. She's primo, Corn Belt poontang my friends.

One of the other contestants pointed out that Daniele looks like Anna Nichole. She laughed it off and said "before the weight loss or after the weight loss". Heehee. She meant you look like her NOW...rotting and putrid. She's one of the victims of the "secret enemy" spin this year, her dad.

Meet Daniele's dad, Dick. Dick says to call him Evil Dick. He's 44, works at a bar, has an eyebrow piercing. Dick totally lucked out by being named Dick, because it saves us all the trouble. If he had Pam Anderson hanging off of his cock like a pilot fish, he'd be Tommy Lee.

Dustin is also one of the "secret enemy" contestants. His ex-boyfriend is also in the house. Dustin seems to be the sane one.

Eric is "America's Contestant". Say what? This messuganah? Oy! Laurie pointed out that he cusses almost as much as me on the live feed. Every THIRD word he says is fuck. Fucking tool.

Jameka is the token contestant of the house. "I ain't never been around this many white folk." is pretty much a word for word transcription of her first confessional entry. Good luck with that, sugah chile.

Jen is a "fun" nanny. I think "fun" nanny means that she'll fuck you when your wife is gone...if you have enough money.

Jessica is the last of the "secret" enemies. Not much to say about her yet.

Joe is the other gay dude in the house (only two?? you're kidding). He needs to keep his shirt on, because he has nasty Disney Cartoon Tarzan nipples.

Kail keeps saying that she's a "multi-business" owner and that "half the town" works for her. She seems a bit cunty. I'm guessing she's gone soon. To steal a line from an email I sent to Sir Cumference, the town will be after her with pitchforks when she gets back to Cooterville.

Mike looks like Andy Samberg's goofy, ugly brother. That's like goofy, ugly cubed, bitch.

Nick is a former "pro" football player. Is that like AMERICAN football or that faggy "world" football (known as soccer to use good Americans). I'm guessing arena football or something.

Holy shit, looks like someone didn't have approval on his publicity stills. Say hello to Gomer Pyle, America.

BB7::::::08/17/06

Fri, 18 Aug 2006 14:57:38 GMT

Now the show's getting to a point where I can post more about it (yeah, THAT'S the reason I haven't been blogging about it).

Last night was fucking SWEET. Although I have my favorites, I'm loving the fact that things are staying interesting by the power shifts that have been taking place over the past few weeks. Season Six has gone from controlling the game to being Doc. Will's bitches, dancing like little marionettes on the end of his twisted strings.

Marcellas was dead on when he said that the pawn is ALWAYS voted out. It's funny how sanctimonious he is when talking about other people lying or backstabbing when he's the QUEEN of that shit. Last night he was laying in the bed talking to Erika, "I won't campaign against you...that's just not the way I play." Literally seconds after she left the room, he turns to Danielle and says "You're going to vote for me, right?" Too fucking funny.

With the Coup d'etat, I fucking knew that shit as soon as they showed the needle and thread. I told Laurie on Saturday what the answer would be...I even guessed what they would use for the third clue. The fact that Boogie won the thing is great, but I think it's going to be anticlimactic. He showed way too much enthusiasm when they announced it. I'm sure it will be an open secret, like the hidden immunity idol was on Survivor.

Even sweeter than that shit is the fact that George won HOH AND had to immediately put someone up. It was so fucking unexpected that I actually kicked my feet like Oprah does when she sees Gayle King in a thong. If anyone else had won, we could have easily guessed who was going up: Janelle/Howie=Erica & Danielle (again) and everyone else would have probably put up Janie and Howie. But George? Total fucking wildcard. And I have to regretably admit that I'm getting to respect his gameplay a bit. He plays like he's missing a few chromosomes, but I think below the slack jawed drool, there's hidden intellegence behind those epicanthal folds. Anyone else notice how he NEVER commits to giving anyone a vote? It's always "I haven't made a decision yet, but don't worry" or "You're covered". What's funny is how the listener interprets his answer. Kaysar thought he was golden and somehow it was translated that George "swore on his children" to give Kaysar his vote. They replayed what George said and it was one of his non-commital answers. I think some of the others are going to have to worry.

With the wildcard factor of George this week, the double eviction week, AND the coup d'etat, I'm predicting a final four of the Legion of Doom (but I could be wrong since Janelle is the queen of veto).

If the "floaters" (Ericka, Danielle, & George) were smart, they'd band together with James and boot off Season Six & Chilltown. But they're not...they are in thrall with Chilltown and will be fodder for the battle between CT & SS.

BB7

Wed, 16 Aug 2006 21:51:56 GMT

Here's a quick BB7 update. I planned on a more detailed post, however I got wrapped up in reading about chiropratic "theories" (which was actually going to be what I was posting about--that and that fucking freako Trudeau with his "What 'They' Don't Want..." bullshit).

BB7: Janelle is so fucking hot that I can't focus on anything but her huge silicone tits and big bubblicious ass. The other girls that in the house call her a "slut" (like that's something bad anyway), but she has yet to undrape those beauties to the world, or blown Dr. Will yet, so they're just being bitches.

Chicken George has grown on me...kinda like genital warts (heigh-oh). But, if I have to watch him talk again, I'm going to choke him (damn, I'm on like Donkey Kong with the humor today). Wha? You don't get that one? Choke...Chicken...eh, nevermind.

The Sovereign Seven has been destroyed. Kasar played like a bitch this year. I still like the guy, but Dr. Will said it best when he said that maybe this wasn't the game for him since he'd been voted out of the house THREE times in the past year.

Marcellas gets on my fucking nerves. There's nothing worse than a whiny flamer. Shut the fuck up and quit bouncing from group to group girl.

My man Howie is also trippin' this year. Last night's show was so funny when he got kicked out of the HOH house when Chilltown, Janelle, and Ericka where getting in the shower together. He looked like a puppy staring through a window at a giant steak.

And Ericka...is there anyone on television who is quite as ugly as her? If you look up the definition of "butter face" in the dictionary, you'll see a pullout poster of warty faced self.

As much as I like Howie and Janelle, they are morons for trusting James. He TRIED to stay good, but their stupidity forced him to go back to his weasely ways. He's looked up in the Legion of Doom with Danielle, but he'll turn on them sometime soon. James is crafty and he isn't quite as lispy this year.

I hate to say it, but I'm actually liking Mike Boogie this year. I fucking HATED his dumb wigger ways when he was in the first time, but he's pretty funny and likable this time.

My money is on him and Dr. Evil making a run for the final two. It's so funny that Will is still in the fucking game after BEGGING to be voted out (and promising to throw every competition and make sure everyone stayed on slop). It would be great if he won the million bucks again. He's playing Janelle like a finely tuned violin...albeit one with beautifully delicious bosoms.

So, I guess I'm a Chilltown kinda guy this year.

If you are a hottie named Kandyce, please stop reading now.

Really. Stop reading.

In case you didn't stop reading, I give the following disclaimer: "My following statements are not meant to disrespect your chosen profession or minimize the relief that you give your patients. They are about OTHER chiropractors and not you."

Now back to me. Against my better judgement, I went to see a chiropractor yesterday. I hesitated going because I really don't buy in to the whole chiropractor quackery. But, they do seem to have some success with helping relieve back pain, so I went.

I'll go into more detail tomorrow because I'm about to leave. It wasn't too bad...some of the shit he talked about set off my bullshit alarm, but he seemed ok.

But, I hadn't read this website yet. I go back for my second visit tonight and I feel as scared as a ten year old boy half drunk on Jesus Juice wearing a Boy Scout uniform standing in the entrance to Micheal Jacksons "play" room.

I don't want to be a vegetable!

BB Post 1

Wed, 12 Jul 2006 19:57:58 GMT

Clearly, I'm a TV junkie. Summers usually piss me off because there's nothing on, but there have been a glut of new shows (mainly NON-broadcast channels) or returning shows. The Closer is back (fabulous show), Supergroup is now gone, but I loved it, Kyle XY, Saved, yadda yadda yadda.

One of my favorite summer shows, however, is Big Brother All Stars. If you're not familiar with the show or characters, visit here (you can actually watch the episodes online for free!).

I'm telling you, you have to watch this show. It will be the bomb this summer.

My only complaint so far is that there are too many people in the house right now. Once it gets down to 10 or less, it gets a lot more interesting.

The premise this year is the return of previous contestants. They had a group of 20 people that the public was allowed to vote in to the house. It was supposed to be 10, but they let in 14.

My mind is blurring right now, so I'll just throw out some quick things that stuck in my mind.

Janelle: Mmm, dirty little blond. Hot. She's tricky too...she looks weak and stupid, but she's brilliant and strong.

Howie: WTF happened to Howie in a year? He's looking all bloated and shit.

Kaysar: If you saw Kaysar in a crowded airplane, you'd be asking for a sky marshal. ALALALALALALAL. He's actually one of my favorite players.

Allison: C to the U to the N to the T. I hate her. She is a total "butter" face. Annoying as hell, but entertaining. I predict she'll be blowing someone in the confessional by the end of July...unless she's voted out this year.

James: He lisps like he gobbles cock for a living, but has a sneaky mind...

Jayce: A total tool...again, entertaining however. What the hell did he have in his swimming trunks last night? I wasn't even looking straight at him, but my eyes were drawn to what looked like 10lbs of turkey sausage stuffed into his shorts. WTF?

Again, my mind is a bit scattered because there's too much going on on the show right now. As it gets down to less people, I promise you some snarky commentary similar to this:

L: There you go Chris...Janelle's showing a bunch of nipple right now.

C: *snickering* How ironic that that comment comes from you.

L: What do you mean?

C: You're the one that goes to your parent's house or sister's house without a bra. It's like you're walking around with two gumdrops under your shirt.

L: You're an asshole...