Diary of a Fat Man: Freaky Deaky

"Freshly Douched Pork Chop"

Fri, 04 Jan 2008 19:31:03 GMT

This is my last day in my "old" office. I've been finished with my work for hours and I'm now just killing time.

This: http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/000058.php made me shoot Diet Dr. Pepper from my nose.

Now I'm going to suck your feet

Wed, 12 Sep 2007 21:09:56 GMT

Holy crap, this just made my day.

What's Wrong With You Jamaicans?

Tue, 21 Aug 2007 13:27:21 GMT

One of life's more amusing food items I found in Kroger last night:

You know you want it.

Bubba Humps

Mon, 13 Aug 2007 17:40:15 GMT

Hmmm, I guess one more thing I'll scratch from my to-do list. Stupid laws...

Excerpt:

"On or about 07/30/04 to 07/30/07 there is an incident where Mr. Dills is videotaping himself in his landlord's upstairs residence where he is dressed only in a black vest, a black rubber mastk, and a black G-String. Mr. Dills is positioned in front of the opened front door and is masturbating and humping and grinding on the door and door frames. Mr. Dills is heard to comment on tape 'C'mon ladies" as he masturbates within plain view of the sidewalk, Bailey Street and Elmwood park which is located across the street. This appears to occur during daylight hours.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/0802072mask1.html

Suck It Gecko

Thu, 12 Jul 2007 14:41:00 GMT

This is pretty funny. Here's a quick excerpt:

A LETTER TO
OPTIMUS PRIME
FROM HIS GEICO
AUTO INSURANCE
AGENT.

BY JOHN FRANK WEAVER

- - - -

Dear Mr. Prime,

We have received your accident-claim reports for the month of June—they total 27. I regret to inform you that GEICO will not be able to reimburse you for any of those repairs. I feel that I have sent the same letter to you once a month for the last six months, and I am now sending it again.

Since becoming a GEICO customer in January of this year, you have reported 131 accidents, requesting reimbursement for repairs necessitated by each one. You have claimed not to be responsible in any of them, usually listing the cause of the accident as either "Sneak attack by Decepticons" or "Unavoidable damage caused by protecting freedom for all sentient beings."

Get the rest here: http://mcsweeneys.net/2007/7/9weaver.html

Slave Contract

Wed, 11 Jul 2007 21:26:13 GMT

Words can't express how much I truly love The Smoking Gun.

This is one of the best yet.

"In addition to an adequate supply of clean panties, the slave will keep several pair of recently soaked panties available and will replace them at any time should they lose their aromatic value."

Bwahahahahaha.

Can't. Stop. Laughing

Wed, 04 Apr 2007 02:31:28 GMT

I know that I've said this before, but THIS is truly the funniest thing I have ever seen. EVER.

Super Model Naked Stalker Prank - Click Here for more great videos and pictures!

OMFG!

Fri, 23 Mar 2007 05:54:17 GMT

WTF????? How the hell did they come up with THAT search?

http://search.yahoo.com/search?p=daddy+reamed+my+labia+stories&fr=
yfp-t-501&toggle=1&cop=mss&ei=UTF-8

Best. Mugshot. EVER.

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 21:35:50 GMT

Talking about Mom admits rewarding son with pot - Criminal Peculiarity - MSNBC.com

Wed, 13 Sep 2006 01:17:40 GMT

Man, my mom only gave me Jack Daniels when I got good grades...kids these days are so spoiled!

Quote

GETTYSBURG, Pa. - A woman facing drug charges admitted in court that she smoked marijuana with her 13-year-old son, often to reward him for doing his homework.

Mom admits rewarding son with pot - Criminal Peculiarity - MSNBC.com

All This AND A Super Tingly Hummer??

Fri, 25 Aug 2006 21:56:13 GMT

Somewhere, Richard Dean Anderson is getting hard and not even knowing why.

Git R Done

Wed, 23 Aug 2006 20:16:44 GMT

This amuses me on several levels. I first saw it last night in the dead tree catalog and decided that I just HAD to try to find it on their website.

I love this for a few reasons:

1) That SOME company SOME where saw Larry the Cable Guy and said "There's a market for this guy's look" (which is pretty much the look of all of my cousins that still live in Louisiana).

2) That ABC Distributing has the balls to say "apparel fit for Larry fans!"...haha, they're certainly not saying that it's CLASSY or anything!

3) That some poor fuck is probably showing his friends and family his "modeling" pictures and he's having to wear a fucking cutoff denim shirt that says "Git R Done" (oh, and don't forget to complementary camo hat with the same goofy slogan).

Bwahahaha.

Melts In Your Hand

Wed, 23 Aug 2006 19:41:31 GMT

My fondness of personalizing products is great; my love of fucking with said products on the Internet is as vast as Artie Lange's belly.

Did you know that you can order customized M&Ms? Jesus help me.

Do I Make You Hornet, Baby?

Tue, 22 Aug 2006 17:59:23 GMT

The picture below is of a hornet's nest that has completely filled the inside of a 54 Chevy. How freaky is THAT? Read the article here.

If The Song Was About Her, It Would Have To Be Called "Sexy Fat Back"

Sat, 19 Aug 2006 00:54:57 GMT

Who's the fat chick that ate Britney Spears?

You Remember When I Talked About That Thing That One Time, You Know?

Mon, 07 Aug 2006 18:18:49 GMT

I've mentioned several times that I totally wasted my potential by killing millions of brain cells in high school. THIS is the type of shit that I should have been doing and the place I should have been doing it.

Ohmibod

Wed, 02 Aug 2006 18:15:16 GMT

Bwahahahaha....

An iPod powered vibrator that vibrates to the beat of the music you're enjoying...

Halloween Costume

Fri, 04 Nov 2005 17:04:50 GMT

I keep forgetting to upload a pic of my halloween costume, so here is an artist's rendering of it:

Funny Google Search

Mon, 31 Oct 2005 20:21:09 GMT

I always enjoy looking through the stats of this blog to see how people are getting her. The search terms that are being used are quite funny sometimes. This one made me laugh, so I had to post it: http://www.google.com/search?svnum=10&hl=en&lr=&q=why%20is%20chris%20fat&sa=N&tab=iw Yes, that is a Google Search for Why is Chris fat.... And I'm number 10, beeyotch. I'm going to start keeping track and post them at random...I used to do that on my old site (back in the day) with some hilarious freako's searchs. The funny thing is that posting the search terms just makes the search results stronger. Viva Why Chris is Fat!

Yo Mama's a Llama

Mon, 24 Oct 2005 15:08:43 GMT

Can't...stop...laughing.

Use the Sports, Luke

Thu, 29 Sep 2005 17:53:15 GMT

Who knew that Chewie was a leftie?

Rolled Over by Genius

Mon, 19 Sep 2005 18:49:41 GMT

Coming this fall from Fox.

When Cosmologists Attack!

The burning question is, who's Pringles are those? Stephen Hawking's or Jim Carrey's?

Shut yo mouf

Mon, 12 Sep 2005 01:35:26 GMT

I found this on someone else's space.

I try to give the younger crowd some slack, but come on dude, you had to know you'd get some shit for this outfit. You're a white boy from Kansas, not Shaft.

420

Tue, 23 Aug 2005 20:34:37 GMT

"I am being veddy, veddy stoned right now"

Fukufuji

Fri, 19 Aug 2005 16:22:10 GMT

His name says it all:

Nice 'fro, dude.

Wow!

Tue, 19 Jul 2005 20:54:13 GMT

In light of my last post, how weird to find this on the web! WWJD, indeed! He's the man!

Flashbacks to Louisiana

Tue, 05 Jul 2005 19:56:52 GMT

I'm originally from Louisiana...I'm having super-freaky flashbacks to my youth after seeing this pic: